


The Bad Spoon

by TalkingToShadows



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Crack, Dialogue Heavy, Fist Fights (Almost), Humanstuck, Sibling bickering, Spoons, Strilondes, Strilondes Are Siblings, The StriLondes Share A House, The Writing And Pacing Are Shit (Because It's A Crackfic)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:21:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24185044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalkingToShadows/pseuds/TalkingToShadows
Summary: Someone in the StriLonde household has broken a spoon and no one knows who.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	The Bad Spoon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GlitchySlime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitchySlime/gifts).



“Hey Dirky?” Roxy called from the kitchen. The blonde had opened the drawer in the StriLonde house in search of a spoon to eat her cereal with. Instead of finding a nice normal spoon maybe even the good spoon she was met with a dented and crooked spoon.

“Yeah?” Dirk called back from behind the closed door of his room.

“What the fuck is this?”

“What the fuck is what?”

“This spoon!”

“What spoon? The good one?”

“I sure hope this ain’t the good spoon!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Rox.” The man had made his way into the kitchen to see what his sister was yelling about. To his disgust, Roxy holds up the mangled spoon. He opened his mouth to retort when the pair’s younger sister walked into the room.

“What are you both yelling about?” Rose asks. Her eyes brush over the subject of her siblings attention and her face drops. “Who the hell puts a broken spoon back in the drawer?”

“That’s what I want to know!” Roxy sighs, giving Dirk a quizzical look. 

“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t do it.” He shrugs.

“Well that’s just the worst thing I’ve ever seen.” Dave comments, walking into the kitchen. “Wait, is that the good spoon?”

Silence fills the room as the four all glance at each other. The tension is the room was so high the neighbors could probably feel it.

“The good spoon! Are you kidding me?” Rose breaks the silence.

“We aren’t sure it's the good spoon!” Roxy says.

“It’s shaped like the good spoon.” Dirk points out.

“Why would someone break the good spoon!” Rose cries.

“Isn’t the good spoon gold though?” Dave says.

“It’s so mangled who’s to say it isn’t.” Dirk inspects the spoon, looking for any remnants of gold paint.

“Guys! The good spoons right here!” Roxy yells, holding up a perfectly shaped gold spoon.

“So now we got the good spoon and the bad spoon?” Dave asks.

“We have that stored out, thank the lord. I just wanna know who broke it and why they  _ put it back _ .” Roxy sets the good spoon back into the drawer and places her hands on her hips.

“It was probably Rose.” Dave shrugs.

“Fuck you, It was most likely Dirk.” Rose retorts.

“It sure as hell was not. How do we know you aren’t trying to place the blame on me?” Dirk says, stepping closer to his sister.

“Why would I leave a broken spoon!” 

“We all know you’re secretly an agent of chaos.”

“You used it to fix one of your robots didn’t you!”

“I didn’t do shit!”

“Neither did I!”

“It was you!”

“No way, It was you!”

At this point, the two have each other by their collars, both revving up to punch the other. Before they can do any serious damage Roxy pulls the two apart.

“This ain’t worth getting into a fight over! I just wanted to know!” She sighs, setting the bad spoon in the drawer. “I love you all, very dearly as my family but every single one of you is on my last nerve. Accept you Davey, you’re an angel.”

“He is absolutely not!” Rose points at the taller man, “How do we know he didn’t do it!”

Dave gasps, putting a hand over his heart in over dramatic agony, “I would never! I’m an angel!”

“We aren’t doing this again!” Roxy cries, setting her hand in her face, “Everybody get out of the kitchen!”

To this day, none of the Strider-Lalonde siblings have no idea who broke the spoon. It now sits in the drawer as a reminder of how one of them had sinned and never confessed.

**Author's Note:**

> It was Dave. He broke the spoon. He did it on accident and put it back because he knew chaos would ensue.


End file.
